30-Days of Prayer for the Muslim World | www.30-days.net » marriage http://www.30-days.net What Christians should know about Islamic background, history and culture. Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:11:00 +0000 en hourly 1 I married a Muslim – do I throw my Christianity away? http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/i-married-a-muslim/ http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/i-married-a-muslim/#comments Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:28:09 +0000 TDI http://www.30-days.net/reveal/?p=380 Everyday I wake up next to the man that I married.  He is a Muslim and I am a follower of Jesus.  When we decided to get married, neither of us was practicing our faiths, so it was an easy decision.  In fact, our faiths looked quite similar in many ways and he had convinced me that they were indeed very similar.

married-30-days-net

Married 1 Peter 3:1-2

Even though I knew I had married a Muslim, his decision to start practicing (just one year after getting married) came as a huge surprise to me.  It totally upset the balance that we had as two people, each living out our faiths in a very nominal way.  Along with anger at him for changing (as we all do!!), I also felt a growing resentment towards this religion that was stealing my loving, caring husband and replacing him with someone who was so focused on rules, regulations and merciless rituals.  Our romantic relationship took a serious turn for the worse.

The fact that he keeps the rules affects my life a lot.  For example, if we have to be somewhere at a certain time (especially it is something for me, it seems), he’ll want to wait just a little longer before leaving so that he can get the next prayer in.  During Ramadan it is especially challenging because he will basically not touch me all day – and definitely will not kiss me.  This is hard for me, not because I want to kiss him all day (or maybe I do!  :) ), but because I see marriage as an open, living, breathing expression of love and commitment to each other.  Sometimes, physical expression is needed to say what words cannot.  I do think that he errs on the side of caution, especially during Ramadan, in hopes that he will make up for all the other days of the year that he is not following everything to the letter.  I have to rely on God’s grace and wisdom to know how to respond to some of these things that my husband throws at me.

Lately, I’ve been grappling with how I will respond when he wants our daughter to start praying.  This probably won’t happen for a while, but I fear the day that it does.  I try to put things into perspective by weighing what is actually right and wrong.  There is nothing wrong with washing, definitely nothing wrong with praying, or even praying at a certain time (this tradition, I believe, actually came from the Christian church a long, long time ago).  The problem I will have is with our daughter having to state that Mohammed is a prophet and denying the divinity of Jesus.  I keep praying that my husband will come to know Christ before this becomes an issue.

At the same time, there are many things that I can take from Islam and transfer to my own faith.  Their view of God, His omnipotence, His omnipresence, and His sovereignty, is very core to how they see God.  (If we could just throw in the knowledge of God’s love for us all, that would be great!!).  I’ve learned to treat our Scriptures with more reverence.  The goal I strive for is to find a balance between knowing God as a holy, pure and powerful God as well as knowing Him personally, as my Saviour, my friend and the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine!

Ironically, it was this sudden fervour of his that drove me back to my roots – my relationship with Jesus.  Surprisingly, I am actually from a Christian family, grew up attending Sunday School , DVBS, Bible Camp, and even Bible College.  I was a leader in my church and looked up to by many people, as a role model in the faith.   What was the problem?  In one short word … Pride.   I never thought it could happen to me… I was firmly against marrying a non-believer but put in the right circumstances we are capable of anything.

Within a couple months of his awakened faith, I was invited to my friend’s church at Christmas.   I went only because I thought it was the least I could do, being a nominal Christian and all.  God had plans for me though.  I don’t remember what the message was that day, but it made me want to return.  So I did.  The next Sunday, the message was about God’s all-encompassing love and His forgiveness, no matter how deep the sin.  I sat in the front row with my dear friend.  I wept.  God had taken my heart of stone and softened it – miraculously; instantly.  Words really cannot explain what happened in this short moment.

Here I am today, a follower of Jesus.  There are many verses that encourage me, one that I think of almost every day is this one: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3:1-2, NIV).  I am challenged to look at my marriage, not as a mistake, but as a sign of God’s forgiveness, grace and love.

Prayer Requests for (Christian) women married to Muslim men:

  • -    That our love for Jesus would grow daily, through time in  the Word and on our knees.
  • -    That we would be led by Spirit in how we live and share Christ – choosing words carefully.
  • -    That we would be well connected to a church body – and sought to be understood and supported.
  • -    Unity, wisdom and discernment in child-rearing.
  • -    A deep steadfastness in the knowledge of God’s love, knowing that God loves our husbands even more than we do.
  • -    The courage to stand in prayer for our beloved husbands.  God has allowed us to become married (whether by disobedience or subsequent conversion) and will give us what we need to live as an example of Jesus in our homes, so that our beloveds would meet Jesus.
  • -    Pray against fear – the future is unknown and that can be very scary for a woman married to a Muslim – pray for increased faith and trust that He who holds our lives has good plans for them.

Editors Note: we have the offer of a Christian women wanting to help other women married to Muslim men. Feel free to leave comments and questions below in the comment section for now. We can always start a Marriage forum if we get enough replies.

Recommended Viewing:

Magdalena - the movie

DVD: MAGDALENA: Released From Shame (Dec 2008)
One woman caught in adultery; another, rejected and ignored because of her promiscuous lifestyle … (by the ‘Jesus Film’ producers) DVD Length: 80 minutes.

Description: Watching with amazement, Mary learned from Jesus a new way to look at people. He also radically transformed her life by healing her from demon possession–releasing her from shame. Mary Magdalene acts as both narrator and participant in “Magdalena: Released From Shame,” as she traces through the story of lives that have come into contact with this man, Jesus, and have been powerfully released from shame. Order today. A must for all women!

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]]> http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/i-married-a-muslim/feed/ 220 Cross cultural (culture of) Marriage http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/marry/ http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/marry/#comments Mon, 10 Jan 2011 12:01:20 +0000 TDI http://www.30-days.net/reveal/marry/ Christians Married to Muslims

Being a Christian married to a Muslim is not always easy. We have compiled some links which we pray will be helpful to you. Should you need further help or have other links for this page, please use the Comment box at the bottom. Thank you.

Internet Sites (all links open a new window or tab in your browser)

(Several of these sites make reference to LaM which stands for “Love a Muslim”.)

Support Group for Christian Women Dating or Married to Muslims – and see the complete listings as well. |


Answering-islam.org – Marriage – Marriage between Muslims and Christians (there are more articles throughout the site, this is only a starting point …) |

I Married a Muslim: Katrina’s Incredible Story – Reported by Julie Blim and Scott Ross, The 700 Club – one of the negative stories on the subject. |

U.S. Department of State: Marriage to Saudis – Offering straight-talking advice to American women contemplating tying the knot with Saudi men. |

Unequally Yoked Resources including links to books, courses and other web sites. |

Married to Muhammad ‘addresses an area of urgent need in the Christian community of the United States!’ |

Won Without A Word – marriage links |

Aglow International ‘has a mandate to reach Muslim women and women married to Muslims’. (I couldn’t see any obvious links on the subject, perhaps use their contact form… Women’s Aglow is well known however.) |

Crescent Project is a wonderful ministry helping Christians learn more about Islam and minister to M people. They also have local Oasis fellowships, sponsored through Crescent Project. It’s a great way to meet with others to pray, encourage and be encouraged in her witness to her husband and his family. (Again, I couldn’t see any obvious links on the subject, perhaps use their contact form…) |

The Vatican’s Erga migrantes caritas Christi (“The Love of Christ Toward Migrants”), an 80-page booklet issued by the Pontifical Council for the Care of Migrants and Itinerant People. “Despite its affectionate title, the document includes a warning against Catholic women marrying Muslim men.” |

Courses

There are courses for download . One of them, Al Kitab, was developed by Bible Media. It is a Bible study guide for Muslims in English and Arabic, to explain the true message of the Christian Bible. |

Bible Study Resources for the “‘Unequally Yoked Woman’” |

Caleb Project . They have a new course called “Encountering the World of Islam”. They may know of some resources for Christians married to Muslims. (Over the years Caleb has developed many courses, please feel free to ask them about marriage courses.) |

Groups

“Are you the wife of an unsaved husband , or do you have a husband that is not living his faith?” This list is for Bible Believing Christian ladies who would like to give and receive Godly support, friendship, Bible Study, prayers and encouragement….” A Yahoo list. |

Books

Waging Peace on Islam by Christine A Mallouhi
Christine is an Australian Christian married to an Arab Christian whose family are Muslims. She and her husband also lived in Arab countries for many years and have many Muslim friends. The book shows great respect and affection for Muslims. |

All that the Prophets have Spoken is a fresh look at the Word of God, from the perspective of a Muslim reader. (free downloads) |

Miniskirts, Mothers & Muslims (Paperback) by Christine Mallouhi
A startling look at the Muslim world, through the eyes of a western Christian in a Muslim family. For Christians who work with, live with, or minister to Muslims, this book helps explain the world of Muslim women. Topics include: role models, segregation, restrictions, opportunities, family life, and unwritten rules. |

Kitab bookshop in Oldham, UK . You will need to contact them for a book on this topic. “They are Christian & specialise in outreach to Muslims among others”. (I could not find a book list or even a search form, thus try to contact them for suggestions – but they come recommended to me by several people…) |

Others

Here are many resources and courses and even hymns in Arabic … plus information for Muslims, for Christians, free literature etc. |

Need prayer because of your marriage? “God has given our ministry a love for the Muslim people, and we are praying for them. “. |

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]]> http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/marry/feed/ 10 Dating Muslim Men http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/dating-muslim-men/ http://www.30-days.net/islam/issues/dating-muslim-men/#comments Mon, 03 Jan 2011 18:00:48 +0000 TDI http://www.30-days.net/reveal/?p=247 He’s handsome.  He’s charming.  He’s got good moral beliefs.  He treats you like no other man has treated you.  Why wouldn’t you want to date him or maybe even marry him?  Think again.

These are all questions I asked myself a few short years ago when I met the man of my dreams.  He was all I could have asked for and so much more.  We connected like I never had with another human being!  It was amazing!   At the time we met, neither of us was actually practicing our faiths but both came from strong backgrounds, he Muslim, and I Christian.

Things I know now that I wish I’d known then…

  • People change.   The man I married was not serious about his faith, but about a year into marriage, he was suddenly praying 5 times a day and needed to abide by the (MANY) rules of Islam (including no kissing during Ramadan – as long as the sun was up!!).
  • In some ways, there is no such thing as “the individual” in Islam.  Everyone is part of a family, a people group, and/or a community.  Decisions are made as groups, not individuals and pressure is put on by families.  Families have an extremely strong influence on their children – even from across the ocean!!
  • Once married, the man is in charge and expects to always have his way, in everything.
  • In Islam, it is okay for a man to marry a Christian woman because it is expected that he will convert her (and be blessed with many virgins in paradise as a result!! – I can’t find the reference for this… but I’m sure there is a reference in the Qu’ran – if you can’t find it, feel free to delete it) – she may not be allowed to practice her own faith.
  • That in order to be married “legally” in Islam, you have to be married in the Mosque – my husband , after 1 year of thinking we were married, went as far as refusing to sleep with me until we got married in a mosque.  I cried every night.
  • Things get extremely complicated and hard when children are in the picture.  Circumcision or not?  Baby dedication or not?  Go to church or mosque?  Explaining to a young, confused child why daddy doesn’t believe in Jesus the same way that we do.
  • Breaking up a dating relationship is very painful and hard to do… but marrying a Muslim will lead to a lifetime of heartache.  Marriage is not to be taken lightly – it is covenant between you and God.  It is not meant to be trial and error, as our western society often suggests.

What can a person say to a woman who is dating or thinking of dating a Muslim man?

  • Be lovingly supportive – being judgemental will not help at all.
  • Pray, pray, and then pray some more that the Holy Spirit will take hold of her heart and re-claim it for Jesus.
  • Be honest about your apprehensions, try to introduce her to another Christian woman who is already in a marriage relationship with a Muslim (contact 30-days to find one if you don’t already know one).
  • If she’s asking you about it, she’s questioning.  Questioning is good.  The answers need to come from God, not from you – wait on God with her.
  • Despite all the best advice and all the right answers, she might go ahead and marry him – keep loving her and do not give up on her.
  • Dating a non-believer of any sort is a symptom of a deeper problem – rebellion of the heart.
    Know that God is light in our darkness, healing in our pain, comfort in our suffering.   He is stronger and bigger and more powerful than any temptation we have here on earth.  By His strength, we can choose to obey that still, small voice in our hearts.

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power.  Let heaven fill your thoughts.  Do not think only about things down here on earth.  For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”  (Colossian 3:1-3, NLT)

A great website for understanding what the Qu’ran says is:

http://www.answering-islam.org/ Authors/ Fisher/ Topical/index.htm

Editors Note: we have the offer of a Christian women wanting to help other women married to Muslim men. Feel free to leave comments and questions below in the comment section for now. We can always start a Marriage forum if we get enough replies.

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