Dating Muslim Men

He’s handsome.  He’s charming.  He’s got good moral beliefs.  He treats you like no other man has treated you.  Why wouldn’t you want to be dating him or maybe even marry him?  Think again.

These are all questions I asked myself a few short years ago when I was dating the man of my dreams.  He was all I could have asked for and so much more.  We connected like I never had with another human being!  It was amazing!   At the time we met, neither of us was actually practicing our faiths but both came from strong backgrounds, he Muslim, and I Christian.

Things I know now that I wish I’d known then…

  • People change.   The man I married was not serious about his faith, but about a year into marriage, he was suddenly praying 5 times a day and needed to abide by the (MANY) rules of Islam (including no kissing during Ramadan – as long as the sun was up!!).
  • In some ways, there is no such thing as “the individual” in Islam.  Everyone is part of a family, a people group, and/or a community.  Decisions are made as groups, not individuals and pressure is put on by families.  Families have an extremely strong influence on their children – even from across the ocean!!
  • Once married, the man is in charge and expects to always have his way, in everything.
  • In Islam, it is okay for a man to marry a Christian woman because it is expected that he will convert her (and be blessed with many virgins in paradise as a result!! – I can’t find the reference for this… but I’m sure there is a reference in the Qu’ran – if you can’t find it, feel free to delete it) – she may not be allowed to practice her own faith.
  • That in order to be married “legally” in Islam, you have to be married in the Mosque – my husband , after 1 year of thinking we were married, went as far as refusing to sleep with me until we got married in a mosque.  I cried every night.
  • Things get extremely complicated and hard when children are in the picture.  Circumcision or not?  Baby dedication or not?  Go to church or mosque?  Explaining to a young, confused child why daddy doesn’t believe in Jesus the same way that we do.
  • Breaking up a dating relationship is very painful and hard to do… but marrying a Muslim will lead to a lifetime of heartache.  Marriage is not to be taken lightly – it is covenant between you and God.  It is not meant to be trial and error, as our western society often suggests.

What can a person say to a woman who is dating or thinking of dating a Muslim man?

  • Be lovingly supportive – being judgemental will not help at all.
  • Pray, pray, and then pray some more that the Holy Spirit will take hold of her heart and re-claim it for Jesus.
  • Be honest about your apprehensions, try to introduce her to another Christian woman who is already in a marriage relationship with a Muslim (contact 30-days to find one if you don’t already know one).
  • If she’s asking you about it, she’s questioning.  Questioning is good.  The answers need to come from God, not from you – wait on God with her.
  • Despite all the best advice and all the right answers, she might go ahead and marry him – keep loving her and do not give up on her.
  • Dating a non-believer of any sort is a symptom of a deeper problem – rebellion of the heart.
    Know that God is light in our darkness, healing in our pain, comfort in our suffering.   He is stronger and bigger and more powerful than any temptation we have here on earth.  By His strength, we can choose to obey that still, small voice in our hearts.

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right hand in the place of honor and power.  Let heaven fill your thoughts.  Do not think only about things down here on earth.  For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”  (Colossian 3:1-3, NLT)

A great website for understanding what the Qu’ran says is:

http://www.answering-islam.org/ Authors/ Fisher/ Topical/index.htm

Editors Note: we have the offer of a Christian women wanting to help other women married to Muslim men. Feel free to leave comments and questions below in the comment section for now. We can always start a Marriage forum if we get enough replies.

Comments

  1. To answer your question: Your friend is only following what every practising muslim has been commanded to do by GOD;which is during the month of ramadan,cut off all things leading to sin.POINT BLANK! Trust me when I say “its not personal” for whatever reason he has gotten close to you, it is only a result of him not really understanding his purpose in life and most def. not knowing the laws of Islam in keeping a muslim man or woman safe from harm.Meaning staying away from all things or people who will not assist in your forward progress.Forward progress for any muslim is trying to leave this world being obedient as possible to GOD trying to ensure a spot in heaven and not hell.Your friend does not wish to harm by or exclude you but you better believe no one is co-signing him being with a non-muslim at all.No muslim that is truly practising Islam in its entirety. Hope this was helpful :)

  2. The verse that You mentioned only indicates that, Jesus was completely man and completely God.
    The line that you mentioned about God being born of a woman. I know this seemed impossible for you to imagine. But you know what Nothing is impossible with God the creator. he left the throne of Heaven and took birth in a stable in a humble way. This shows how much God loves us. To save us from the sin he came down to earth and gave his life to save us.
    I hope You find peace In Christ.

  3. An islamic marriage does not need to be conducted in a mosque. Most marriages conducted in Muslim countries are not done in a mosque, it isn’t even an option.

    What is so horrific about someone praying 5 times a day?

    What is wrong with decisions being made by a family? I thought Christians were family-friendly.

    I think a good portion of the Muslim men out there didn’t get the memo that they should expect “to always have his way, in everything”. Just how many Muslim men exactly did you date that you are confident enough to speak for them all?

    What on earth is a baby dedication? To whom is the baby dedicated?

  4. Lebanese Maronite says:

    hey everybody,God bless u all
    i think that “christy”is an hypocrit muslim Male, who can not handle the idea that islam is falling down because of its unhuman teachings..and this way of saying sorry for my english and 2-3 times im from hong kong(i.e im not a muslim) and this “salamu alikoum”+the word “shahadah”(written by Him with islamic vocabulary)..
    All this leads me to conclude that this so called”christy”wants to advocate his religion in a way or another by offending our christian beliefs..p.s: The quran doesnt have an old testament which emphasis the life of people before christ and the new testament which is the words of our God Jesus Christ ,these teachings full of love and forgivness contrarely to the quran with its two parts mecca and madina suras which all of them teach hatred towards “pagean”(i.e non believers of islam)
    Salam al MASSIH-Christ peace be upon you

  5. Hi Munir,
    Humans are bad that is the reason we need a God. If we humans were all Good we wouldn’t have needed God. A unwell person needs a doctor, not a healthy person. All humans are unwell and we all need some one to save from the sin. God promised a saviour for us in Isaiah 53 who would die for our iniquities.
    one more thing Please don not generalise … If you have seen 100 people behaving badly that doesnt meanBillions of ppl living also do the same. we are not here to criticise others religion and defend our own coz It wont lead us to any conclusion. Its not a debate. we are here to find out the truth an find a solution.
    We are all bad. I too am bad That is why I need jesus’s blood to be upon me and save me…
    God bless you..

  6. jealousy in relationships says:

    There have been this issue regarding relationships as to who is more of a controller. Is it the man or the woman? I think regardless of race or ethnicity, there would always be the difference between a man and a woman. Both have different personalities given that they are in different races. Yes, American men could be the jealous boyfriends same as the Muslim men. I think there isn’t really any big difference about relationships when it culture. It is more on the attitude and habits of a person.

  7. As I read all the comments, criticism, questions and thoughts I just realised once again that we are all sinners and far away from God. The only person that can change that is Jesus and the only way our sin, disobedience, wrong doings, etc can be taken away is by forgiveness in Jesus. Please don’t forget that our only hope for salvation and a life after death is Jesus.

  8. you are in love with a Muslim man so was i. i even thought Muslim men were better then English men because the are grate loving honest men. he told me he loved me that he want marriage and kids and i wanted this to i was even going to convert. he told me i am the first women he has slept with him. but then i found out he already had wive and kids. his reply was i can have four wives and plenty of kids. and then the most of thing he told me had been lies and left me heart broken because i thought he was a grate different person but there not as long as they get satisfied down below and not alone they will go with anyone and tell you so many lies to get them to marry you please don’t get married with Muslim men ur soon regret it

    • Emily Elizabeth says:

      thank you, that is happening to me, i havent get married yet and i wont! so many lies that make you belive is true, i have been making my research and praying to god for the correct thing to do and i found my answer. he is all that but something didnt click right and if us christians woman dont read we make the bigest mistake ever. i love him but is better now than open my eyes with regrets.

      Thank you god.

      • @Emily Elizabeth: yes i agree. im a saved christian who’s sort of dating an arab muslim guy at the moment. This guy is more “americanized” or w/e, i dont think he’s really deep in his faith. We get along great. he makes me laugh, he’s so sweet, he’s intelligent…he’s super cute lol. our personalities just work GREAT together. anyways i kno i will never be able to marry him coz i truly luv christ with ALL my heart n respect the promise thats made in marriage before Him etc. BUT its like, he’s soo awesome! more awesome than all the other guys ive been dating recently.
        So, because i want to bring glory to the kingdom of God in any part of my life, im praying that Christ will help me still stay focused in my faith n generally be a gd example of Himself as i interact with this guy. This way, im not prone to make crazy choices, but also be more of a gd friend to the guy, no matter how much we like each other. Would make it easier to break it off but still remain friends later on. All in all, ive never bn so confused when dating someone lol but thank God He’s always there to guide me, teach me and kp me safe, as long as i walk with Him daily. i believe there’s something to be learned in all this when i figure it out, that will benefit me as a person. anyways, that just my opinion :)

    • tooo funny….

  9. Just have to say that not all Catholic priests are pedophiles, and people are using the molestation scandals to wrongly judge Chrisianity just as non-Muslims are using stories in the media to judge Muslims adversely. The answer isn’t to put down another’s beliefs and tell them to try yours because it’s better, the answer is acceptance and understanding and not judging others! If we’d all get to know each other more and not limit our judgements to our bad experiences or to the scary stories our friends and the media tell us about people who are different from us in some way, the world might be a more loving place.

    • Stephanie, I just want to let you know that when people pray for you, fast for you and tell you about Jesus it isn’t because they don’t like you or are trying to judge you. It actually means that they care. I know that sounds weird (really weird) but it’s true.

  10. If its true that some Christians throw money and promise salvation, its poor evangelism but comparably far better than blowing them up as the Islamic practice.

    • Islamic practise is not blowing one’s self up. Western media has corrupted your minds. If you really want to know what Islam preaches look at the source, and don’t blindly believe what is enforced onto your eyes through American controlled media.

      You must be thinking im nuts, but im not. & since you acknowledge poor evangelism could be the case, im very sure Jesus would not approve of over zealous followers of his to belittle others beliefs.

  11. Happy,

    I’m glad that you are happy and someone makes you happy but…

    1.) You REALLY need to asked Jesus if it is okay to marry this man or pursue a relationship with him. While we humans don’t have a crystal ball, God sees and knows everything. Time is in Him and He is not bound by it. He already has a destiny for you. A destiny greater than you can imagine! That destiny may or may not include the man you are involved with now. To go ahead with your own ideas can change a lot!

    2.) It’s not good to listen to your heart and follow it because it does lead you astray. God NEVER leads you astray. He is our Shepard and we shall not have any want. He leads us besides still and peaceful waters; He restores our souls.

    3.) You ask how God could not approve of your engagement/marriage but again, He may have different plans for you. You don’t need to despise His plans because they are the best for you and those around you.

    I’m going to ask you this, you don’t have to answer me, just answer it for yourself. How well do you know God? You may know a lot about Him, but you may not know Him. Jesus is our connection to God our Father. How well do you know Jesus? And Holy Spirit, who dwells in us, how well do you know Him?

    If you know God then you know that He knows what He is doing concerning you. You know that He loves and likes you. You know that you can trust Him when He tells you no or to wait. You know that He is working everything out for good.

    Please Happy, bring it to God first and not to your heart. God will not deceive you but your heart will.

  12. Well first it is left for you to find the right model to follow. You have already pointed out indirectly the status of Jesus at least as was reported in the New Testatment.

    Secondly, you have a misconception which is being spread around in the hope of authenticating Muhammed.

    It is not all the Arabs that are decendants of Ishmael. There were other people other than Abraham and his household who were living in the Middle East before and after Abraham. So we should drop this idea that Muhammed and other Meccan’s came from Ishmael. They could have but we are not sure.

    If you think about it, it is not all muslims that will go to hell and not all christians will go to heaven. In fact a good muslim living by good morals will be in heaven before a bad christian who lives a bad life.

    However, there are also some concepts taught in Islam that is not correct. That is as simple as it is. And Islam viewed from the life of Muhammed does not contain the path to salvation and the ultimate moral standard for mankind.

  13. Dear Ben,

    “However, the point I was trying to make is that Islam has to rethink its position that allows muslim men to take wives from other religions while not allowing the same for men from other religions”

    How about you read what Islam and the Prophet have said about this rather than believing what you think is right?

    Islam does not prescribe rules which says a muslim man can marry a non muslim woman. Because ignorant muslim men who marry non muslim women without even the proper way of Islamic marriage, it does not set an example for the entire religion and its believers!

    Non believers who look at other Muslims and “they did this” & “how come”, should stop scratching their heads & instead look at the source of what Islam actually prescribes or get in touch with a muslim scholar, instead of proclaiming that this is what muslims do.

    • @truth Why are we beating about the bush, it is there in your Quran that muslim men can marry non-muslim women.

      In addition, I assume it should be common knowledge that your prophet married women who were not muslims.

      Isn’t there a case of a woman he took in to his tent (now I do not know what happened inside the tent) but he took her in on the same day that he had her husband and father killed. In fact one of his followers stood guard by his tent all night fearing that the woman may cause harm to Muhammed.

      I think I will not engaging in this debate if we are not at least honest. The islamic teaching is that muslim men can marry non-muslim women and you know it is the truth.

  14. Dear Ben,

    It appears you are another hater. Kindly read the Quran and reconfrim what you want to know. The Quran does not say Muslims can marry non muslims, because a believer marrying a non believer does not make sense.

    The Prophet married women who were widowed after say a Battle. But he did not marry them because of what haters like you think. He married them so that they can continue to lead their lives. Besides these “women” accepted Islam before marrying the prophet.

    Please read up before you comment something. Truth does not become what one wants it to be.

    • Dear truth

      It seems you are another blind person or another person who sees the truth and still hides it.

      Any Muslim person knows that the Quran allows Muslim men to marry non Muslims (people of the book). To be arguing with u about this is quite absurd.

      I think it would have been more of a truth if you put the word accepted in paranthesis in your last post. Or better you should have written “had to accept”.

  15. Dear truth

    It seems you are another blind person or another person who sees the truth and still hides it.

    Any Muslim person knows that the Quran allows Muslim men to marry non Muslims (people of the book). To be arguing with u about this is quite absurd.

  16. In Islam the union of the sexes has been purified and the joy of the married relation secured by the absolute prohibition of every kind of extra-matzimonial connection.The Holy Qur’an stresses upon the people to marry as it is the most effective means whereby one can lead a virtuous life free from immorality and emotional inhibition. The Holy Qur’an says: “They (your wives) are as a garment to you, and you are as a garment to them” (ii. 187).The mutual relation of husband and wife is here described in words which could not be surpassed in beauty.Herein is the correct description of the relationship between the two.The husband and the wife are for mutual support, mutual comfort and mutual protection, fitting into each other as garments fit into each other.

    Taken from Sahih Muslim

    Yet again i wonder how Muslim families have a lower divorce rate and more stable marriage as compared to our dear christian brothers and sisters, if our dear brothers and sisters claim the through Jesus PBUH you will find salvation so how come there is no advice on how to treat your spouse whereas we Muslims have been advised on how to treat our spouses.Islam has the solutions for all the problems of humanity.

    SALAM and love for my Non-Muslim brothers and sisters [Edited for brevity – Admin)

    • Amira – you may want to review recent divorce rates in Muslim-majority comments before making such an assertion. Rates of divorce are skyrocketing in Indonesia. It is over 60% in KSA. Nearly one-third of marriages between Muslims in Egypt end the first year alone. Qatar, Tunisia, and Syria all have high rates. Unlike some other parts of the world, the rises continue to rise at extreme rates in Muslim majority countries. There is no reason to take a swipe at the Christians over this, as we as Muslims do have our fair share of marital problems if we are only willing to take an honest look.

      • One last thing if the basic needs of a human are not being fulfilled by a Muslim husband like health care,education if the wife desires to further he qualifications then the Muslim man is at fault because he is not being a good Muslim as he is not following the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah of our dear Prophet pbuh.But you do not blame a Muslim Husband if you want the newest cars,phones,gadgets etc as now you are following the road of the Dunya.To be honest if one’s husband truly loves you infact he will want to keep you like a QUEEN and give you the things of this Dunya and pray that he has you next to him in Janah and now that is a true Muslim husband.
        Once again all who blame Islam by seeing Muslims,you are wrong rather go to the Sources (Quran and Sunnah) and then make you opinions.These days most Muslims mix culture with Islam and call the mixture Islam but rather go to Authentic and i mean AUTHENTIC SOURCES and discover the real Islam.Usually the problems are culturally oriented rather than religiously oriented.

        Salam

  17. if Muslim man can marry christian woman, why not christian man marry a muslim woman?

    Why Muslims objeect this?

    I am not talking about religious practice; both men and women should be free to share their life with anyone they like; no religious restrictions should come in between them.

  18. Oh Mon,

    This must be so hard for you. Still, my question to any woman in the same position would be: Will this relationship bring you closer to Jesus – or further from Him.

    In my own relationship with an Arab, my first and foremost desire was to please the Living God. I could not bear to be separated from the Lord for an split-second (and yes, I do know how that feels – it feels like being in a dark, confusing vacuum, surely you don’t want this?). In my instance, it was much easier – the man the Lord sent me had followed many Muslim sects and had already come to the conclusion he could not base his life on Islam.

    So, the question is, where is the man you love spiritually? What does He think about Jesus Christ? What does he really believe, in his heart? Is he prepared to search for answers, is he prepared to search for the Truth? Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life – no one comes to the Father but through me”. What would your friend say about this statement?

    It’s not about religion – it’s about a living, breathing relationship with the Living God.

    Commit yourself and this relationship to the Lord, totally, abandon yourself to His grace and mercy and He will perform the most amazing miracles. Do you realize that by not sticking to your convictions, you might be leading your friend to think the spiritual world does not matter, hampering his spiritual walk? What if this man’s future in eternity is at stake here, more than just a love story?

  19. Oh, sorry, Mon, I replied to Emily’s response by mistake – it’s meant for you, dated today.

    It is possible that what this man loves more than anything, is God’s Spirit within you. If so, there is a lot at stake. This might not be a simple love story.

    Your love will not be enough to satisfy him in the long run. Only the Spirit of the Living God can truly satisfy the human soul.

    In my own story, the drama unfolded over a fierce debate about God and Jesus. As I stuck to my testimony, the relationship turned to one of respect and then, a simple, pure love. I was told I was his “first love” – that is who Jesus is… our First Love. I was told I was his “first true love”. That’s Jesus love! I was told this was the first time he’d known “pure love”. These are all attributes of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I can’t take His glory. These qualities that made him love me were not mine – they were given to me by the Lord!

    Similarly, try to look at this relationship from an eternal, spiritual view point. The best gift you can ever give this man, if you love him, is Jesus! It may transform his life, regardless of whether he leaves or stays.

    I pray God will do something really special in both your hearts.

  20. Helen, that’s really deep and sincere, it’s a privilege to read you and see the depth you’re operating at. You’re on the right track, don’t be discouraged, and this is a time of miracles. I pray the Lord will be glorified through your life and witness!

    “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything will be added unto you!” And so be it in your life, may the blessings that will overtake you simply astound you!

  21. Dearest Helen,

    You’re already on the right path! :)

    Oh, may the Lord grant you your miracle! Never give up, this is a time when the Lord Himself is drawing his beloved Muslim people into his fold, some in spectacular ways.

    The Lord said that whatsoever we asked in prayer, BELIEVING, we shall receive. (Matthew 21:22).

    One of my Muslim friends recently dreamt she was diving for coins, in the sea. Under water, she saw this golden cross, fixed to the ocean floor. It somehow touched her heart.

    So many amazing things are happening, with God NOTHING is impossible. Fix your eyes on Him, He shall bless you beyond your wildest dreams (as He is doing in my life).

    What a wonderful, loving God we serve!

  22. Dear Hope,

    Thank you again for encouraging me. I would like to share with you my biggest fear. As far as I have understood from the Bible (I may be wrong) Jesus chose his students and He told them that not all people are able to see and believe (I don’t remember the chapter, I am sorry).
    My fear is that I am praying to God to give a sign to the man I love, but what if my boyfriend is not blessed with this privilege? This way of thinking may be completely wrong, however it’s in my mind… I hope you understand what I mean…

  23. Marriage should be based on love.so, how do u love someone who is not of ur religious convinction? Sorrow,misery is usually the outcome of such wedding.

    • Hi, welcome!

      There are many types of love. Sometimes love is a choice to do the right thing, not an emotion,so, in a way, you are right.

      But we hear of people “falling in love”. Have you ever experienced this? Meeting someone who is so significant to you, that you feel the sun would be dark without their company? Not necessarily a physical love but a strong soul-connection? It’s such a powerful bond that breaking it can cause deep scarring.

      Yet, inevitably, if our relationship with God doesn’t come first, even such a love will turn into a painful experience eventually, as you suggest.

      Nevertheless, we have to stand by people in this predicament, support them and encourage them, as these decisions to part based on one’s convictions, are really heart-breaking.

  24. Greetings!

    My dear Christian brothers and sisters, I am delighted to say I will be marrying the love of my life… His name is Akbar. I am so happy i made the right decision after so many months.

    I truly believe that I will still find Jesus Christ because I believe in him, regardless of what others say.

    I’m an RC and have no hangups on these issues.

    Peace and good tidings to all !!

    Yours lovingly,

    Christina

    • Hi dear Christina,

      Dear, you have to be 100% certain that you are in God’s perfect will. A 1% difference could be disastrous.

      If you have a close relationship with the Lord, and you are 100% certain of the way forward, it is well. If you don’t have a close relationship with the Lord, and can’t hear His voice in your heart clearly, it might be better to sort out that relationship first, don’t you think? He is a loving God who, like a good father, will want only the best for you.

      If you have the slightest hesitation, do remember the Lord said “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything else will be added unto you.” So don’t hesitate to ask the Lord for wisdom, He will give it to you in abundance, as He has promised in His word.

      Please, do make sure you are in the Lord’s will, for Akbar’s sake as well as for yours. Your eternal destiny – and his – could hang on the depth of your convictions.

      All the best,

      Hope

    • My only message to women in a position of marrying a muslim is:
      Don’t compromise your christian faith. By marrying in a mosque you will be denying Christ it will not be a covenant with The Lord and you will be unequally yoked and in disobedience, it will be YOUR CHOICE AND NOT CHRIST’S. I cannot stress this enough.. because you are my sister in Christ. I can only encourage you to read God’s word and ask for His wisdom. His people perish through lack of knowledge (Hosea 4;6) it is to our advantage to grow in knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.(2 Peter 3;18.
      God Bless you.

  25. “People change. The man I married was not serious about his faith, but about a year into marriage, he was suddenly praying 5 times a day and needed to abide by the (MANY) rules of Islam (including no kissing during Ramadan – as long as the sun was up!!).”

    So what if he became more religious? Islam does not have any irrationally binding rules. Also, if you were to add the total amount of time a Muslim prays every day, it would amount to a maximum of 35 minutes. Add this to the fact that there are 5 different prayer times. Also, sexual activity is permitted on the nights of the fasts, so I don’t see what your objection is.

    “In some ways, there is no such thing as “the individual” in Islam. Everyone is part of a family, a people group, and/or a community. Decisions are made as groups, not individuals and pressure is put on by families. Families have an extremely strong influence on their children – even from across the ocean!!”

    “Everyone is part of a family” you have a problem with this? That’s quite unnatural. As for families pressuring their children, this is something cultural, not religious.

    “Once married, the man is in charge and expects to always have his way, in everything.
    In Islam, it is okay for a man to marry a Christian woman because it is expected that he will convert her (and be blessed with many virgins in paradise as a result!! – I can’t find the reference for this… but I’m sure there is a reference in the Qu’ran – if you can’t find it, feel free to delete it) – she may not be allowed to practice her own faith.”

    Wow. This statement was pure bigotry and lies. People are promised 72 spouses if they DIE AS MARTYRS. For example, if a woman was being raped and if I was killed trying to stop her attacker, God would reward me. According to Matthew 17:29, something similar is promised, i.e. a hundredfold times the # of wives. Christian women ARE allowed to practice their faith, liar.

    Achtiname of Muhammad:

    “This is a…

    • message from Muhammad ibn Abdullah, as a covenant to those who adopt Christianity, near and far, we are with them. Verily I, the servants, the helpers, and my followers defend them, because Christians are my citizens; and by Allah! I hold out against anything that displeases them. No compulsion is to be on them. Neither are their judges to be removed from their jobs nor their monks from their monasteries. No one is to destroy a house of their religion, to damage it, or to carry anything from it to the Muslims’ houses. Should anyone take any of these, he would spoil God’s covenant and disobey His Prophet. Verily, they are my allies and have my secure charter against all that they hate. No one is to force them to travel or to oblige them to fight. The Muslims are to fight for them. IF A FEMALE CHRISTIAN IS MARRIED TO A MUSLIM, IT IS NOT TO TAKE PLACE WITHOUT HER APPROVAL. SHE IS NOT TO BE PREVENTED FROM VISITING HER CHURCH TO PRAY. Their churches are to be respected. They are neither to be prevented from repairing them nor the sacredness of their covenants. No one of the nation (Muslims) is to disobey the covenant till the Last Day (end of the world).”

      “Things get extremely complicated and hard when children are in the picture. Circumcision or not? Baby dedication or not? Go to church or mosque? Explaining to a young, confused child why daddy doesn’t believe in Jesus the same way that we do.”

      Islam doesn’t say much about this topic, but children should be allowed to decide for themselves. What’s so bad about circumcision? Jesus, alayhi’ salaam, was circumcised.
      Breaking up a dating relationship is very painful and hard to do… but marrying a Muslim will lead to a lifetime of heartache. Marriage is not to be taken lightly – it is covenant between you and God. It is not meant to be trial and error, as our western society often suggests.

      • “Breaking up a dating relationship is very painful and hard to do… but marrying a Muslim will lead to a lifetime of heartache. Marriage is not to be taken lightly – it is covenant between you and God. It is not meant to be trial and error, as our western society often suggests.”

        “marrying a Muslim will lead to a lifetime of heartache” Wow. I love being stereotyped. It just goes to show what this site is all about: spreading misconceptions about Islam.

        • Hi SKhan,

          You sound like a very noble and thoughtful person.

          Unfortunately, you are in the minority. And the fact is, there are many men, regardless off their religion, who have a tendency to become emotionally abusive (I should know, I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for over 20 years, married to a nice man who had an awful temper in private. He was such a sweet guy that no one would ever have believed me had I dared to expose his private tirades against me… And we shared the same “religion”. Can you imagine, what would have happened if there had been a conflict of belief, as well?)

          But there’s more to it than this. The woman is “the weaker vessel” as the Bible puts it, and therefore should be treated with honour and respect by her husband. But it stands to reason that the balance of power will be against her – and it will take a very strong man to avoid the temptation of yielding to his community and not putting pressure on her to convert to HIS faith.

          And there’s more… a Christian woman, one who has been born again of the spirit, is a citizen of a different nation. She is no longer a part of normal society and is a stranger and alien in this world. Her loyalties are in another kingdom, an unseen one.

          Obviously, this will create some heavy burdens for both parties in a mixed-faith marriage. In any case, she would be going against her own spirit in marrying outside of her faith, unless God had specifically shown her a particular path and its outcome (and God has a tendency to do what he likes, if we look at the story of Hosea).

          So it’s a very complex situation, far more is at stake than opposing arguments in which it becomes a battle of wits over verses and theories. It’s a spiritual issue.

          And thank you for sharing your thoughts with us Christians, it’s good to hear your opinions and thank you for being sweet and showing such a kind nature.

          Hope

      • SKhan
        I have been married 24 years to a muslim man, he didn’t practice islam when i met him and i was a christian by name only. I met Jesus 13 years ago, he was always expecting me to convert but only told me when i became a christian. On this day my eyes were opened, i struggled to go to church, had to hide my Bible because if i didn’t he would destroy it. Couldn’t talk to my child about christianity, couldn’t have christian friends over to my house.. not even after the birth of our child. Was totally ignored for a month because i denied his request to marry in a mosque… My child had to go to Coranic school and be a muslim. In other words i had no rights whatsoever i felt really opressed.
        I knew i had made a huge mistake having a lack of knowledge at the time. A Muslim/ christian marriage is a huge spiritual struggle and i don’t advise it to christians or muslims, God has to come before everything even the ones we love, disobedience only brings heartache in the end. Many muslim men do marry christian women, however i am one who embraced christianity in the marriage and not islam.

        • Sorry…some of us out there don’t agree. My marriage has lasted 19 years with my muslim husband. I have neither converted nor said I would. Yes I was married by an Imam, In my own religion my marriage is not recognised but I don’t really care.T tell you the truth I have nothing to hide from God as he knows all. Too many people want to bud into my marriage. We laugh when other muslim people try to bud into our marriage about children issues, converting, and about the speaking arabic thing. I’m not afraid . I come right out and tell them to mind their own busines. Also say “You are not perfect, so why preach to me.” And I don’t believe he would have destroyed your bible, just like you would not destroy his Quran.
          I am not oppressed. We have 2 children together. And during ramadan is kinda funny. We play up on the fact of his fasting. Its only once a year and our children have the choice to fast. I respect his way and does he mine. And he is not afraid of what his family thinks. He has taken me back home with him to meet the family. It was very important for our children to see where they come from.
          I actually feel sorry for both of you that you couldn’t work together to stay together. I happen to know quite a few couples just like us, from different cultures and religions but we are committed to make it work. Love does conquer all. You just have to believe it will.
          Thats where you failed.
          I am constantly finding things out, reading different aspects of religion…hell thats why I’m actually here right now, on this website , making my comments, because i was curious as what people think and how people are with different religions having relationships.

          So sorry for your misfortune. but everyone has choices.

          • Anne
            ‘in my own religion my marriage is not recognised but i don’t really carë”.
            Do you not care about disobeying God or what His Word says?It appears to me like you are only wanting to please your husband.
            I refuse to have a blessing of an imam on my marriage, after seeking God on that decision he did tell me a definete “NO”. God’s house is His church and by seeking the blessing of an Imman in a mosque you have submitted your marriage unto Islam and not unto our Lord. This is disobedience! And……….. you don’t care? You will never find a muslim seeking the blessing of God on their marriage in a church… Why? You don’t believe he would have destroyed my Bible, why would i lie? I am giving my personal experience, some have positive and others negative, but i believe when you choose for God you will get opposition…. not only in this case but in others to. When i havn’t submitted to his requests and put God first he did feel rejected and hurt , which led to anger at my choices. Putting God first is my priority and that always comes at a price and is not always easy..
            Did i say we were not together, i have not failed as you presumed. I believe in marriage and i am still with him despite his opposition to my faith, i choose to love him, i came to Christ within the marriage and we do have children.The Lord has taught me much and His grace has been enough, i submit to my husband as unto the Lord, but when it violates His perfect will i refuse.
            Yes, it is a huge spritual battle at times. But … after saying this “i am strong in the Lord”… and He does love my husband very much… i am not wrestling against flesh and blood here… and i believe Our God has a purpose and a plan for my husband…
            Bless you
            Mary

          • mary you are too funny…I NEVER TRY TO PLEASE MY HUSBAND the way you think. We are in this relationship by choice. Obviously your husband does not love you and share in your relationship. Get out now before it destriys you and him.

  26. Kissing is allowed whilst fasting in ramadhan. u need to do some thorough research into islam. Dont judge islam by how some muslims practise it, judge islam from the holy quran and authentic hadiths. Get a deeper understanding of islam.

    And yeah people can change. And people may also not change. There are many people out there that are blind in love and though they see that this person is not their ideal, for example they drink alot or is a flirt and so on yet they think that they will change this person by giving them alot of love, but this is not always the case. U have to be quite careful and not just think with ur heart but also the mind when selecting ur spouse.

  27. This is so funny. I have been married for 19 years to a muslim man. Who really cares about it. we met, we fell in love and eventually married. I have heard so much preaching from muslims about I have to convert…yah right. I choose, no one does that for me. As yet I have not. The thing is don’t bother preaching to me. I know quite a lot of muslim men doing haram.

    I work, I don’t wait on him and foot. It takes both of to run our lives, children and finances. I read the other day something funny on a muslim website “don’t marry the women who you have to order to make the tea, marry the woman who wants to make the tea” My thinking is MARRY THE WOMAN WHO YOU WANT TO HELP MAKE THE TEA!

    In any marriage both parties have to be committed to each other. Just like when our kids were young, he and I changed just as many diapers. None of this womens work and mens work. I actually laugh at women who say these things to me. “mens work, womens work” hahahahaha. If my husband and I broke up tomorrow I would be very independent. I would not have to go running back to my family for support.

    And I’m sorry to say we chose only to have 2 children and yes I used birth control. I know many muslim women who are just having kids after kids and their husbands can’t support them, so they go on social service to use the government to support their families.

    so in saying…who really cares and people should stop trying to bud into love.

    Too much.

  28. Actually I feel sorry for him. He has given up love for you because of what his family thinks, how stupid on his part. I have been married to a muslim man now for 19 years and I have not converted and its never been an issue. Actually my family has never excepted him and you know what your doing the exact same thing he’s doing. Islam has always been a very accepting religion.
    And for you, you should feel used. You have 2 children with him and he has no respect to stay with you. He’s is being stupid. Islam says you should take responsiblilty for what you do, but in this day and age why the children…birth control is out there.

    If you ask me his family isn’t being very religous if they don’t except you for you! and yes I have been back home with him to meet his family. That was how I knew just how much he loves me for me.

  29. Anne
    You totally don’t read what i’m saying Please your husband means he comes before god in your life.. meaning YOU COMPROMISE YOUR FAITH… period.. and HE DOESN’T.. period… and yes that’s your choice to put him before God….. i ask you a question since you like to be so blunt …… would he love so much if you hadn’t married in a mosque?????? INDEED WOULD YOU BE MARRIED AT ALL??????????????????????????? will you ever know. Carry on compromising God is your judge.
    End of discussion.

    • Hi Mary, I found your story so interesting. I’m quite convinced that God has a plan and a purpose for your life and He has a purpose for your husband. You only came to really KNOW Christ personally after your marriage, so God will show you a way through this, to total victory. 1 Peter 3:1-4 comes to mind. Your struggles and challenges are a part of a spiritual battle, but you are not alone in this… the Living God will pave the way. I pray for peace and joy and a special move of God’s breath, His Spirit, in both your lives.

      Ann, it’s evident that you’re not living in a predominantly Muslim country, so your husband doesn’t have external pressure and it’s good that you guys have such a relaxed relationship. However, the day will come when you’ll desire a closer relationship with God and then you will be in a unique situation of leading your beloved husband to the truth: that our eternal destiny, salvation and everlasting life is in the balance, not just right living or mere religion or moral laws. However, he seems to be quite a cool guy and I pray you’ll both make that discovery not separately, but together! :)

      • Mary
        I thank you for your prayer support.. i also thank God that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. The struggles and trials have only served as a caterpult to bring me even closer to Our Lord….. after saying that it’s not always a struggle we have seasons of great peace and joy and through prayer, progress has been made, Everything is in God’s time.

    • Ohhh don’t worry…my relationship with God is not in jeapardy. Please remember both faiths worship the same God,and there must be a reason for us to be together. Remember…no one can hide from him. and to answer your question…Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100 percent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Ok, that will be nice. I’m quite sure there’s a reason for the two of you to be together and I pray you will have an awesome time worshiping the Living God together, in spirit and in truth, for ever. As we all long to do, in our own situations. It sounds like you have a nice husband and you love God. It will be ok. Jer 29:11-14. Not just for you, for all of us.

  30. Anne
    “so in saying…who really cares and people should stop trying to bud into love”
    You do your fair share. Practice what you preach.

    • hahahahahahahahaha……………………………..

      • It’s ok, Ann, we know you’re trying to help, and to express your view as well, I’m sorry you met with a hurtful comment. :)

      • I think you women need to read the Quran….and don’t accuse me of budding into your life, then don’t post issues on websites….

        • Ann, we are Christians, that’s why our girls are wrestling with the question. If we wanted to read the Quran, we wouldn’t be having these discussions. In any case, no one wants to hurt you, you are as entitled to give your opinion as anyone here, and we welcome any tips on how you helped work things out in your marriage.

          • At least I know my husband and where he comes from. I have been back to his country and you know what…his family embraced me for me and not this woman who is so called supposed to convert to Islam. I also keep in touch on a daily basis with a few members of his family, which is more than I can say about my own immediate family. Amazing how the media protrays the muslims and the Arabs. I had no problem with ready the Quran and it made me understand who he is and what his beliefs are.
            Just think these if I had listened to what my friends and family said to me before I married him and not done it, I would never have the 2 main lights in my life…my 2 sons. And you know what we all call ourselves Christians…well I married my man who in fact comes from the Holy land.

  31. cont… in reply to Hope.

  32. Anne
    In your post of 24th Dec you said “your children have the choice to fast during Ramadan”. yet in your most recent post you call yourselves Christians, does that mean they are being raised Christian? if so why are they given a choice to fast during Ramadan??????

    • I was implying we as we the wives who are writing on this websites….website is on dating muslim men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • It’s awesome that your children have a choice Ann.

        It reminds me of one of my Indian friends who met up with Christ during her marriage. The gradual changes in her must have become clearly evident, and the manner in which she treated her husband were such that he pretended not to notice as she drew closer to the Lord. It’s taken years but the other day, her husband gave her quite a shock! He grumpily complained that it just wasn’t right to bring up their children without religious traditions… she was expecting the worst, when he then said, still pretending to be grumpy: “So we’ll just have to start taking the children to church!” Wow, just shows what a wife’s patient love can achieve, as the Lord works invisibly!

  33. I just wanted to ad that I was …I still am and forever will be in love with my Muslim sweetheart. But I may have got a lemon, as they say. We married on my couch with no one around but my two male dogs. He constantly reminded me that he could go out and get three more wives any time without telling me. I thought I would just enjoy him until he flew off on a magic carpet never to return. I had to end it, however, when he started carrying a knife and continued to remind me that sex with small children was perfectly okay. Yes, right here in Hollywood, California. My handsome Aladdin is a graduate of UCLA. He’s out there looking for a new wife.

    • Hi “Juliet”,
      Welcome here – hope we Christians on the site don’t intimidate you too much. The Christian walk is quite an experience, but some of us tend to talk “Christianese” (I know I do) and please remind me if I become a bit irritating in that way at times (it won’t be intentional).

      So… you also have a horrible experience. It’s a good thing you’ve shared this, and a good warning about being careful about guys in general, especially those who are so charming. (And yes, who abuse their charm). It is true that some of the Middle Eastern men are incredibly charming – it’s a fact as their culture is infused with amazing poetry.

      I get what you’re saying about that form of marriage – yes, in the religious sense, a sexual connection in a relationship basically does constitute a marriage, as there are soul ties formed, etc.

      Despite your tongue-in-cheek style, it’s obvious you really did love that man and were hurt – and in your own way, you’d like to warn other women. Thanks for that.

      You’re welcome to hang out with us but please do be aware that a lot of religious people visit the site – and your lighthearted manner could be misinterpreted (especially by some of the devout Muslims that visit the site).

      Also, some of us might misunderstand and assume you’re merely trying to promote your website/book. Therefore, your comments won’t be taken…

  34. Emily Elizabeth says:

    ok, i need advise pronto, my muslim boyfriend told me that he is devorced two years ago, and he wanst to marry me and i want to marry him but suddenly i receive a call of his wife, there still married and she dosen’t aprrove me… what I’m supposse to do, i dont understand, he told me that there allowed to have 4 wifes but the firts one has to say yes, he devorsed her, left the house and bought a house for us…. now shes harrasing me every single day… i told him that i wanted to stop this relationship and he dosen’t whant to to finish it…

    i dont know what to do.././

    • Oh Emily Elizabeth!

      Sweetie, you know what to do! You are in great danger. Your future and your eternity is in great danger. This man’s eternal life is in great danger.

      You know what the right thing to do is. You want us to spell it out for you.

      Here are the facts: Soon you might find yourself as wife number three or four, pregnant and alone, isolated from Jesus and all the good things the Lord had planned for you.

      You have a soft heart and you’re not strong enough to break free. But RUN to the Lord Jesus! John 8:36 says “If the Son (Jesus) therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.”

      Think of yourself in 20, or 30 years’ time. Where will you be? Alone looking after fatherless children while your man is with the latest wife? Think of your future.

      This man might not love you at all – it might simply be an obsession. If this is so, the flame will soon die within him and you will be faced with the consequences.

      Run to Jesus now!

      • Emily Elizabeth says:

        Thank you! I’m running out of this relationship, tomorrow is late for me, and i know that i could do better, i feel sorry for this first wife, they have 3 children. and he dosen’t care too much he wants to have more and i wont be his ginny pig; thats a big no cant do.
        we have to read, open are eyes and close out heart and feelings somethings because when he charm is over, everithing will be. am closing up for a while.
        Thank you!

  35. Jims John Joseph says:

    Satan has used the word “love” in ancient times and now in modern times to deceive God’s people. If we read the bible then we come to know that the destruction israel was that the israelis married men and women from religions who led them to idol worship, child sacrifices etc. Even the great king Solomon whom God even describe as the most wisdom person in the word was deceived by his wifes who were from other religion then what to say about us. In inter-religious marriages couples who follow two religions and who are secular sometimes would’nt have obstracles but their children later may become confuse which religion should they follow and it would be difficult for them in their latter lives and the christian women who marry men from islam in most cases end up losing their christian identity and their children following islam

    Actually in Christianity dating even with christian men and women is a sin because it is your own decision to love and marry that person which may not be God’s will. God had decided whom we should marry, where should we go etc even before we were formed in our mother’s womb. So going against the will of God is also a sin. When a couple marries by dating then they are not only spoiling their lives but also the lives of other two persons whom God had decided for them. I am an Indian christian and i wasn’t too religious but my life was…

  36. Jims John Joseph says:

    Sorry my earlier comment wasn’t complete. I am an Indian christian and i wasn’t too religious but my life was transformed when i attended a church camp and now am a devout christian.

  37. Guys, respectfully but speaking in God’s terms, you are dissobeying
    God, no matter the consequences of a human committment or marriage (if there is or not), the Lord says not to mix the faithful (in the Bible and Our God) with others. The main reasons of rejecting these type of relationships, just as the jewish commandments rejected men or women for joining other tribes relationships, was to avoid their worshiping other pagan gods. We know that other than the personal consequences are worst not only for the woman, but for the kids, as I’ve known many cases, in which it is not true that the purposes of sharing faith with the unbeliever will result positively, for we are uncertain of these fruits. So I’m with some of you who say that the lady is in a sinful condition and addopting the wrong decisions. Things have to be said with the Bible words, not with others words which give another appearence to change the sinful escence.

  38. I know you’re not a professional journalist, or reporter because a real professional wouldn’t allow themselves to slip in inaccuracies to make a better story. I’m not going to argue whether one religion is right versus the other, I’m going to try and ask you to hold yourself accountable for the article you’ve just written.

    First and foremost, your second point is not based on Islam but rather based on culture. Even in Christianity, the sense of self shouldn’t outweigh the betterment of a group; Christians wouldn’t allow slavery of an entire people just because it benefits a small percentage. In the Qur’an, it states that there is no compulsion in religion (Sûrah al-Baqarah: 256), so if one felt compelled to do something it’s not anyone else’s doing but his or her own.

    My next point: notice the use of valid quotations. That’s right, citation of a source rather than blindly writing anything that would be believed by someone who might not know better and trusts you as a valid educational article. You said that, “In Islam, it is okay for a man to marry a Christian woman because it is expected that he will convert her”; no, that’s not the reasoning at all for that rule. The rule that men can marry from the People of the Book (Christians, Jews and Muslims) is that he believes in all the Prophets, and therefore wouldn’t stop a woman from teaching her children…

  39. I have experience of having relationship with 3 arab men. I am from Asia. And I can say i was trapped with their sweet words. None of them give me an end. They left our relationship hanging.

  40. I for one am a Muslim woman born and raised. I don’t see anything wrong about how Muslim men carry themselves and their family. Now there are those who are extreme and use the Quran to justify their extreme actions. I think Christians have to consider that their beliefs are not as structured as ours. Its a good thing that Muslim Men put their family first and obey the word of Allah. Maybe Christians should learn of the religion b4 considering marrying a Muslim brother. I think even if he wasn’t religious at first he might have thought about building as strong family with you. I’m looking for that quality in a Muslim man that leadership, strong family man, and the wanting to obey Allah. I hope you haven’t gave up on him bc u can teach your kids that being a Muslim and being themselves are not bad. Please understand Islam and know that not all Muslim men are the same. My parents worked together for 30 plus years and raised us to be very successful people. And to be honest the Quran says that woman should be treated one degree less then men and one degree is a very small potion God Bless

    • I am a Christian woman who was married to a Muslim man. Yes, he had sweet words in the beginning. He finally left me and our son without his financial or spirtual support. His friends don’t believe he would do such a thing. Well, he did. Returned home without divorcing me and married a Muslim woman. Many years later he divorced me while living in another state…what a man. He has no father son relationship with our son.

  41. I’m dating a muslim and its great… he’s everything i hoped for… yes the culture is different from ours but we shouldn’t hate it… its just how it is… were willing to compermise things and willing to learn about each of our cultures… not all muslim men are like that… I’m not agreeing with anyone or anypart… I’m just saying what i have exsperienced so far…

    • Christian women have to know that a Muslim man will put ALLAH b4 anyone n guide his family to Allah. U have to know your husband’s beliefs b4 marry even if he not religious.

  42. Hello, I am not Christian but I am dating a muslim man. I really want to know what it is like and what I should expect in the future IF i do decide to start a family or marry him.

  43. I agree with chit chat, I dated a muslim man, he seemed so charming, and kind, and within 18 months we were married. He hit me on our wedding night, I took him back, but he was soon mean and critical, then caused an argument over nothing and yelled and swore at me to get out. He has refused to give me any explanation and has not talked to me since.

    • I’m a Muslim girl. I can tell you that I know so many non-Muslim women who have been beaten, abused, assaulted and otherwise demeaned by their Christian husbands and boyfriends.
      I was once in love with a Christian man. I would not be sexually intimate with him because I believe in sex after marriage. He was ok with that at first, but really could not handle it. He ended up with a Christian girl, began sleeping with her right away. I loved him from the bottom of my heart, but the lack o intercourse, and my refusal to eat any type of pork product, was too much for him — premarital sex and pigs were quite important to his Christian lifestyle, and he wanted a woman who embraced both. I guess Christians and Muslims really do have different values.

  44. I thought it is said “No, Muslim man should lay a hand on his wife” … I wonder where did he get that kind of behavior.

  45. Hello All, great to see all the dialogue going on, it’s definitely the path to a happier coexistance.
    Here are some rules from our ancient text (Quran) peppered with some Hadith (ways and teachings of the prophet Muhummad PBUH):

    - The best Muslim men are those that are kind to their wives and mothers.
    - A man may not have sex with his wife if she is on her period, though they should still share a bed and be affectionate, or while fasting.
    - A man or woman may convert to Islam if that is truly what is in their heart, not for the purpose of marriage.
    - Men should never under any circumstance harm their wives or children. If through reason, counsel, abstinence from sex, a mans wife is still disobedient he may only symbolically remind her that he has rights over her with a tap on the arm/leg/hand with a toothpick.

    As far as I have read, and i’m no scholar, the Quran is the only book that reiterates and specifies the rights of women and the grave responsibilities of men.

    …Having said that, Muslims, just like anyone else, are human beings and are by definition, imperfect. They may make mistakes, but the mistreatment of some of the posters above is not a result of the teaching of Islam. (Edited for brevity)

    • speak to the hand says:

      New Reader , you have posted some things about Islam, but you have left out all of the bad things, what about those bad things,eh? don’t we deserve to hear about them? I urge everyone to pray to god, do not be afraid, if anyone is in doubt ask . in short, The answer i got was god loves you and jesus loves you. What answer did you get?

  46. I just divorced my Iraqi Muslim husband of 5.5 years. We have a 4.5-year old son. I’m devastated and sad, which are normal, grieving feelings after a divorce. BUT: I AM FREE. Unfortunately, many of the negative things people say about non-Muslim, Western women marrying Muslim, Arab men are true. I met him in Baghdad, and asked him to marry me. He said he only would, on the condition that I would convert to Islam. Not thinking this was a big deal, I agreed. Stupid mistake on both of our parts. After marriage, I stopped Islam, as I learned things I disagreed with. Our marriage started falling apart at that point. My sweet, nice, kind, funny, good-looking husband became abusive, narcissistic, self-centered, and controlling. He threatened to divorce me if I drank alcohol or ate pork. He threatened to cut my tongue when I cursed. He called me a slut when I wore a short summer skirt on a hot day. He told me what to wear, what to say, how to act, what to eat and drink. After several years of this crap, I asked him to leave. I lost myself in this ridiculous relationship, and got tired of being a doormat-and, I was financially supporting him!! This was the thanks I got from him. He got physical several times, too. Now, we’ve been separated for 1.5 years, and divorced for 6 months. I see him for what he really is: a self-centered, controlling, manipulative man who puts his religion and culture way above his marriage, and doesn’t care if he contributes greatly to reducing the self-esteem of his own wife. He is incapable of true love; he doesn’t know what it is. Our son will now be confused about learning Christianity from me, and Islam from him. But at least he won’t witness his father verbally, psychologically, spiritually, and mentally abusing his mother anymore. I’m stronger now, and can recognize a controlling man a mile away! If men are like this, I’d rather stay single. Believe me. I”m also now a very strong, confident woman. I don’t need a man criticizing me! Marrying a Muslim, Arab man isn’t worth the pain and torture. And we lived in the US the entire time!! It didn’t matter…he just surrounded himself with Iraqi friends. Please, ladies, unless you grow up as a Muslim, don’t marry one. Just don’t. I thought I knew what I was doing…now I’m 47, divorced, with a 4-year-old and shared custody. It’s horrible. But I’m doing my best to move on with my “new normal” life. It’s less stressful, that’s for sure.

  47. christian dating advice for women says:

    Most people will look for long term relationships when it comes to dating. In the beginning stages of dating, you’re still getting to know someone you know very little about.

  48. Anonymous, I would like to hear more about your experience specifically with Iraqis. I was in a beautiful relationship with an Iraqi man and all of a sudden he was facing stress from numerous issues and started withdrawing from me. Within a few weeks he stopped speaking to me. He won’t return my calls. I don’t understand. Is it a cultural thing, for a man to just cut off contact when ending a relationship without any discussion???? I’m really devastated.

    • This happened to me too, he suddenly started yelling at me to get out one night, I left and he has never returned any calls since, that was 9 months ago. I was devestated too, I dont know if it is the cultural thing or what, I think it is a disgusting way to end things, we deserve at least an explanation

  49. I been dating a Lebanese Muslim man for 1 year, first were just perfect for a couple of months, he’s got lots of promises, and i do believe in every single words he says about how much he loves me,and wanting me for his life, but i still having a doubt about the love from him. i do love him dearly, i got so much respect for him, as much i forgot to respect my own self! how can i know that he’s been truth to me, there is always a guts feeling inside me. i love him to death, not perfectly happy in a way that i want, the reason for it is just i feel that, he can only talk and tell me everything , but once i start to open my mouth i felt like he dsn’t want to listen. the other thing is, i pretty much sure that he’s still dating his old ex, and he told me that he’s going out with her as a friendly way, and he’s got lots of ex and they all still remain and having a communication with them, i just want the truth from him, i just want him to tell me what he really wants from me.i think i deserve to know everything, and i am really hurt about this situation. i just can’t help my self to stop crying every time i think of him and how we used to have a laugh and jokes…

  50. I’ve been dating a muslim man for a year now … He traveled to his country and family … I have a feeling that he does not want his family to know about us or maybe they know and they forbid it. Maybe he lives by a different set of rules there then he does in America. I don’t know what to do or what to think. I love him.I don’t know whether to walk away now before I get hurt even more or listen to what he has to say when he gets back. I don’t want’t to be a secret because his family doesnt approve.And no matter what, if you are important enough, they will find a way to contact you. Can someone with this same experience help me. [Edited for brevity, Admin.]

  51. Hello Alisha,
    Omar here…and i just read your story and most of the comments left by people. I am a muslim..and to tell you the truth…a muslim man is not suppose to date before marriage. He is allowed to be your friend..and eventually if things work out then you two marry. If as a muslim he is dating you then you need to think and question other things about him. As a muslim its our main purpose of life to be the best servant to God as possible..and him dating you is not right. He needs to get his priorities straight. I am telling you this to help you out. You need to ask him what he really thinks about this relationship. You were asking wether it is wrong that you are dating a muslim man or not..and to tell you the truth it is wrong because he is not suppose to be doing this in the first place.
    Hope this helps
    May God bless you and help that man get his mind clear and help you get through all the troubles of life.

    • Hi Omar,
      Thank you for your advice. I ended things. Not because I didn’t care for him but because you were right, he needs to get his priorities in order.

  52. I am christian and my husband is Muslim, After one year of being married to him he decided to practice his faith.
    What that means is a LOT more than what I ever could amagine.
    Beyond my belief it also meant we could not have sex anymore either till we marry in a mosque. It has been over 7 months and that has not happened yet!! I tell him we need to plan for the mosque wedding or it may never happen. (Pulling out my hair in Rhode Island)Prayers please

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